Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
