I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
