Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
