have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
