the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
