Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
