Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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