Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
