What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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