I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she woke up with a sticky ear
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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