2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
