Your mouth is God's brothel.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
