What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
