i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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