Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
