When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
