it hurts more in the daytime
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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