I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I am one with the molecules
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
