I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
