When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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