I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
