The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
