Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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