Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We talked him into tasing himself.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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