Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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