Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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