Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
