omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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