Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
