You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
