marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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