Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
