Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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