They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
