I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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