Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
