im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
