my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
