im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
