I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
