hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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