your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
