guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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