If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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