A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
