i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
