is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
