I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
