how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
