Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
