hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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