u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
