Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
