but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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