Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
