We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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