she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
