I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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