Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
