I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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