So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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