Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
