why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
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