I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
