You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
