I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
