a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
