i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
