; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i think my cat just said my name.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
