Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We're too hungover to prance.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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