i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
