Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
