my vag is so smooth its legendary
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Are we still banned from the library?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
