he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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